☆~Way back into Love≈★

人在旅途，多于旅途。

一直到半年前，我仍旧不清楚也不曾仔细考虑过，我究竟要一种什么样的生活，成为什么样的人。每天单调重复好多种相同的模式，周而复始循环着很多种十几年不变的事情，以不同的内容让自己保持新鲜感运转下去；很久以来，我一直不曾想过自己有什么样的价值观，有什么特质，喜欢什么样的朋友，向往怎样的生活或者爱情，遇到新面孔总是充满欣喜和好奇地接受，延续，一直到宴席散，朋友各奔东西；爱情叩门，我的本能反应是躲开，恋爱的回忆似乎在上个世纪就被冰冻起来，清澈透明的真心落空，轰轰烈烈的追逐想让我躲了又躲，每次我撒谎告诉自己Mr.Right还没来之后，总是想找个地方逃离。

我说不清自己究竟是在找实习，还是找一种新的生活方式、新的朋友圈子，或者说，在找寻可以让我舒展自己的空间，让我喜欢的氛围，感觉熟悉的城市，或者，在找寻一个我没有认识过的自己，所有关于我的事情和我的特质。

直到有一天，城际特快穿越好多个联邦州，从一片阴雨飞驰进满目的阳光，睡得昏天黑地的我睁开眼立刻感觉心情爽朗明快起来时，我隐隐感觉到，我找到了我一直在找寻的感觉。当我走进这个城市时，眼前川流不息各种肤色各种阶层的人流，耳边演奏着语言的交响曲；走进书店，我看见中国旅行手册；火车站门口，有乞丐向各路旅客跪下乞讨；从市中心转车，擦肩而过登着优质皮鞋衣着鲜亮的男男女女，兴高采烈去红灯区看歌舞秀；城市轻轨驶过港口，我被眼前的壮观怔住，深蓝色平静安详的河面上停泊着不计其数的帆船、小游艇，以及国际航运的渡轮，在阳光的衬托下被精心维护的大小船只折射着耀眼的洁白，向人炫耀这个城市的独特之处；每到一处如果要寻求路人的帮助，热情开朗的当地人总是在回答完问题之后继续提供更多的信息；城市很大，各民族融合，人很鲜活，现代和古典并存，丑美兼具，有冷有暖……于是我知道，我找到了这个地方，一个让我回忆起上海点点滴滴，但是又有很多德国特色的大城市，同时，她也是一个现实社会。

离别并没有我想象中那么伤感，反倒是充满了各种乐趣。

5天内，我趁夏季打折的档抢购齐这个季节的职业装备，尝了一家新中餐馆，去了我最喜欢的意大利休闲酒吧，开辟了2个德国餐饮吧，参与一次包水饺，光顾一次鸡尾酒小派对，烘焙了2款蛋糕，每天抽档以小组的形式和朋友们陆续饯别，寄出70公斤行李，把近况和爸妈同步，办妥零零碎碎临走前的手续，以及部分新城市的承接手续。

其实走得很匆忙，我还有很多朋友要见还有很多话要对他们说还有很多事情想一起做。其实走得很狼狈，最后2个小时里硬着头皮整理出最后15公斤左右随身行李，顾不了满头满脸的汗，来不及打扫干净我的房间，留下很多东西借口说我下次过来再拿。就这样，我一个人，扎起马尾，套上puma，揣着手提电脑，拖着15公斤多的行囊，直奔火车站。时间一紧迫，所有委婉的告别变得像应付，感情也被压了再压。

直到我在城际特快上拿出Badische Backstub’（我所居住的德国西南部巴登符腾堡州的一家连锁面包店，做当地特色的面包）的面包大口充饥时，我才意识到，我在离开，离开这个生活了4年半如世外桃源般美好纯净的小城市，离开我可亲可爱一起快乐一起经历成长痛的朋友，离开我的最后一座象牙塔，也或许离开我曾经有过的简单无忧虑的学生生活。

在我还是小女孩时，每次朋友走，我都会想哭，会傻傻地问朋友是不是以后不会再见，在我是大女孩时，我笑着和朋友别离，优雅地一笑而过，而后乐观自信地走向新生活；过去的我会腾出时间让自己尽情开心或者难受，现在的我找不出时间空隙让自己恣情。

城际特快刚刚冲出我的起点站时，我睁大眼睛不愿意错过眼前的一草一木，这些曾无数次暗示我家就在这里的东西，我想记在心里；坐累了，我拿出手提，记载思绪飘过的点点滴滴，有些凌乱，却很真实。没有风光的开头，留下未完成的尾声，像是我的人生，悄悄降临，然后一站一站，驶向我未知的远方。这一路会很长，人生才刚开始，生活会蜿蜒继续，留着我的回忆在途经的每个中转站，然后带着上一站朋友的祝福，我充满好奇地奔赴下一站。一路上，越走越坚强，越走越懂得生活中简单又深刻的道理，也越来越明晰自己的特质和方向。人生旅途，精彩过旅途。来日路迢迢，我会走稳走好，也会珍藏我来时路上的友情和爱情，珍惜我简单质朴的百姓生活，带着平常心，一步一扎实地走向我的下一站。

此时此刻，谢谢你陪我的旅程行走到这里，也祝你一路顺风！

It was a hot summer, just a couple of weeks before the exams..and in a lecture..

He seemed to be familiar at first sight, but i didnt know when and where we had ever met before..
The first meet was full of coincidences...
a friend of my friend, his roommate from whom i borrowed things...
days later...the same friend circle..

"We'll never meet again, rite?" I asked.
"I'm sure we will." he replied definitely.
"I dont think so."
"Well, I'm quite sure."
"No, we wont."
"Yes, we will."
"No..." I admit that i was frustrated at saying goodbye to him.
"The world is small. You never know." his words cheered me up at that moment.

The library was small and pleasant, where i saw the ppl i like from time to time.
"Well, actually it's the library that is small, but not the world." i said that to myself during the days of his absence. I told myself, the story had ended.

Still remember as i was down that summer, i got encouraged.
"There r many more wonderful things in the world."
"Life moves on."
From then on, i knew things got changed.
I knew i found my inspiration back.

Together learning, went eating, took break, small talk online...
Days were lovely during the whole summer, and the end of the winter..
Till one day, i felt upset if i had to look around everywhere for him.
Things got totally changed without my own awareness of it.
Well, i was already on my way.

Still remember..it was a cold winter evening..
a small Asian fast-food restaurant, face to face, questions and answers..
easy food, small talk, pure hearted.

Since then, i'd been in the little restaurant frequently..alone or with other friends..
I went there so often that i was always presented a wonderful delicious dessert soup after my meal, which was only for special guests..
The first time i got the soup, i tended to tell him about it...but seemed to start the conversation at his busy time..
From then on, I started to wait, wait for the right time, wait to get more inspiration to go back to myself..

I was too slow to figure out the invitations, invitation to a coffee, to a meal, to the further going..
All the time, i sat there, kept waiting, saying to myself, it might not be the right time, coz he was quite busy, coz we were quite busy..
All the way along, i lived in my own world of imagination and thouht stupidly about the future..
"One day i'll tell him about my interesting experiences in the little restaurant.."
"One day i'll tell him how i got my inspiration back.."
I admit that i feared to step out coz of an awful experience years before.. I really got hurt a lot...so i'd rather keep waiting than take quick actions.

"I c the sun if i c u both." he smiled happily and said it quietly once to his good friend and me..
That summer was pleasant..

Later on, the whole-winter waiting was a bit too long, but with hope..

Spring came while winter snow was not willing to leave the tiny city...
He went away again...and..i went on waiting..
This time it seemed to be quite tough..coz I knew we might not meet again..and I was not able to express with words...

"We'll never meet again, rite?" I asked.
"I'm sure we will." he replied definitely.
"I dont think so."
"Well, I'm quite sure."
"No, we wont."
"Yes, we will."
"No..." I admit that i was frustrated at saying goodbye to him.
"The world is small. You never know."

He was right.
I never knew.
We happened to meet again on campus. Summer again, but not much sunshine.
As I saw him for the first sight, I knew truely, yes, that is he. My inspiration got back.
Short greeting, then we went on our own way.
I saw sun on the rainy day, "I'll be back from tmr on."

But it had lasted for days, before I saw him again.
On a sunny day,
downstairs, upstairs,
hand in hand. She was quite pretty.
I was shocked, not knowing how to greet in good manner.
But still I would have to smile back, to him, to her, I would have to answer his questions in a casual way..
I would rather escape, run far away..
God, it's really really tough!

I knew what it meant..
It was too late to realize that I'd gone much further than I thought.
I had imagined beautiful endings of the story, but unluckily i live in a real world, where ppl wont care about what u feel and focus only on their own business..

He didnt c me, from the very beginning..
He was a ray of light, she was glorious..
I happened to start the story at a wrong time..
I was nobody..

I failed to tell him about my interesting experiences in the little restaurant;
I failed to tell him that i actually didnt like the food there at all, i just didnt want to forget the pleasant winter evening;
I failed to tell him that all the time i was keeping waiting, which was quite tough for me;
I failed to tell him that i still receive newsletters from chefkoch every day, but what a coincidence!

There were too many coincidences which i had matched together and cherished the hope while waiting..
Silly, rite?

Still remember, months ago, as i sat in the train, there happened to be a second train next to mine. Both trains set out at the same time, moving in two tracks that were parallel to each other, but in two opposite directions. At the moment when the train next to mine was running faster and farther, i almost started to cry. I was still keeping waiting that time, but without telling him about it.  Did I actually already sense the ending with my 6th sense that time?

But now, if i say, I miss u there, will u hear?

If I say,  I DID find  my inspiration back,  will u believe it?


Maggie狗狗